Wednesday, May 14, 2014

In Which Tryph... has no bloody clue

Another night, another thousand words... give or take.

Here's the problem though, I have no bloody clue what to write about.  I mean, there are a few things I could touch on, but honestly I don't think now is the right time to get into it.  So here I am instead, without much to say in particular.

But I need to write, get back into the habit of it so I'll write a stream of consciousness, whatever pops into my head will go into this page.  I really don't recommend reading it, but if you do, umm... enjoy?

I wrote those words about five minutes ago, and nothing.  I'm pretty terrible at this, but I'm determined to not let the blank page beat me.  Far too often I've thrown the towel in on myself and my goals, we aren't going to let that happen again.

Oh here, what about this.  So the thing that sparked this really, the....

Not gonna lie.  I put the laptop down, went and took my iron, played a few levels of candy crush, confirmed a friend request on failbook, lamented about the fact that too many of my friends live in other countries and thus won't be able to spend my birthday with me, and only now just came back here.  I am pathetic at staying on topic.

And this is part of the overall problem that I have with writing.  It isn't just the phsyical act that I struggle with, it's the lack of focus and direction.  I suddenly find everything absolutely distracting and pay more attention to that instead of what I'm supposed to be doing.

Before you tell me to eliminate my distractions... let me tell you that I always find something else to look at or pay attention to, even if I shut my phone off, disable my wifi, and lock myself in a room all on my own.  Without fail, I will find something to occupy my thoughts.  (Just now, I did the math to tell me how many lines I'd have to type if each line has on average 20 words before I hit my goal of 1000.  The answer, a simple 50, which I honestly already knew, but still took the time to open my calculator to get the answer anyhow).

It's like I sabotage myself every step of the way.  Like I’m working against myself, and maybe I am.  Success is a terrifying thing, isn’t it?  The idea that something I created could actually go somewhere, take off and generally be pretty damned awesome.

Failure is easy, success is hard.

I suppose this is why I often give up.  It’s easier to revel in the security that things couldn’t get better, than it is to climb.

I’m aware that I’m not making a lot of sense, or maybe I am.

Blergh, I’m tired, you’re going to have to forgive me, but I did say that this was going to be a stream of consciousness pile of drivel… perhaps next time I’ll get closer to my goal, since I’m clearly falling short of my 100 words here.  I’m not going to complain… maybe I’ll write a few of the long put off emails I’ve been meaning to write.

That actually sounds like a good idea.  This is my plan. 

Peace out bitches.

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