Tuesday, February 18, 2014

In which Tryph addresses her status quo

I spent a lot of years in an abusive relationship.

I wasn't beaten physically, but that doesn't mean I wasn't scarred by the abuse.  I don't want to rehash all the details, but the point I wanted to bring up is compliments.

For years, most compliments were given in a back handed "caress the cheek before you slap it" manner.  I'm sure we've all encountered comments like that before, so you know what I mean.  The ubiquitous "Wow, that dress doesn't make you look as fat" kind of comment.

Anyhow, that's what I'm used to.  That's what I expect.   When my boyfriend now says to me "you're gorgeous" I still sometimes wait for the sting of a slap.  When my boyfriend looks at my body, clothed or otherwise, I look for the criticism and disgust in his eyes.

I have never seen it.  

I am beginning to think that I'll never see it, and that maybe my status quo isn't reality.

This is scary.

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