Tuesday, January 21, 2014

In which Tryph might be impersonating a glacier

Or maybe I'm just choosing to not rush and therefore ruin a good thing.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now.

Without sounding like I'm gushing too much, I love him more every day and I find his capacity for compassion, his generosity of spirit and his sincerity a joy to behold.  I know that he's mine and i know that both of us have every intention of building a happily ever after together.

I sold my house and moved out into an apartment on my own a few months ago. Almost 5 to be exact.  This is the first time I have ever lived alone.  I went from being a child/teenager living at home with my parents, to living with my ex husband (in shifts almost... I moved back to the parents house for a short period before I was roped into going back tot he house for 3 more years).  This is the first time I've never had a partner, parent or roommate of sorts to share my space.

This place is mine.

Anyhow, in conversations with a few people in the last month or so it's come up with my boyfriend and I don't live together and I've been faced with either the question of "why not" or a look that says "that's weird".  It makes me wonder a little...

We live in a world where so many marriages and long term relationships fail.  Take me and that ex I mentioned earlier... We were barely kids before we jumped into living together/getting married/buying a house.  Granted we had a baby to consider, but it was all so fast, and what was the point?  What did it net us in the end?  Broken hearts, and a lack of compassion for one another.

Why rush into it?

The boyfriend and I talked a little about a month or so after I moved and what I told him then was "I think I need this time alone now.  While we will one day live together, it isn't now." and he understood where I was coming from.  In defining my own space, I am also defining myself and trying to carve out a niche in this world.

Anyhow... flash to now.

The boyfriend tends to be here 4-5 nights a week.  We tend to spend days off together.  And I cook for him more often than not.  Hell, I tailor my grocery shopping around him sometimes (just little things really, cheeses he likes, getting half and half or 5% cream for coffee rather than the sweet shit I'd normally get) and he does my dishes for me.  You could say that we almost live together as it is...

But we don't.

We still have those 2-3 nights where we're on our own.  Where he can stay up until 2am playing Lego Marvel Superheros (or whatever game he's playing then) and not worry about waking me up when he comes to bed.  Where I can cuddle up with my laptop and binge through Veronica Mars (or whatever shitty teen drama I'm on that week) in bed before sleeping.

The point is, while I'm utterly confident that we could still do these things in the company of one another (and have to a certain extent), we just aren't there yet.  We will be, and we'll know when we are... but why rush it?

With my past history (one failed marriage, and a failed engagement), I am way past the idea of taking commitment lightly, so we're going to wait and maintain our own spaces a little while longer.  I'm sure there'll be celebration and fanfare when we finally take that step.

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