Saturday, December 14, 2013

In which tryph throws a pity party

Or more.  Fuck I don't even know anymore.  I don't know who or what I am.  I don't know where I belong, or why I'm still here... fuck why I was ever here at all.

About a year ago someone said to me that they could see my life as "lurching from crisis to crisis to crisis, with no send in sight" and that it was time to give up on me.

At that time, I used the pain of those words and that rift to push me forward... to keep me fighting.

At the time I had that kind of strength.  I still had a family, and something resembling a home.

A year later... a year later I'm starting to see the truth in those words.  A year of crisises, a year of deep painful loss, a year where I stopped running from parts of my past...

A year that is coming close to wearing me down completely.

I swear, these days the only things holding me together are bobby pins, mascara, random socks and them.  The boy I had to give up, and the man who gave up on me.

Ugh, this is bad enough, and it's just going to degenerate from here.  I'll stfu.

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