Monday, October 28, 2013

In which Tryph dreams of an off button

I've spent the last 12 hours or more wishing I was like a vampire from The Vampire Diaries and could turn my "humanity" off.  

But I wonder who I'd be if I didn't have my deep capacity to love.  Would I still be me?  

I have this huge capacity to love, to cherish, to see the best in people even when they're at their worst... These are pretty amazing traits on their own, but the negative flip side is that it leaves me hurt and broken more often than not.  

I have cried oceans of tears for people who don't deserve it, but I strangely still believe.  And I'll cry oceans more before I give up on them.  

People who care about me... When they see me in the self destructive state I get in after an encounter with someone who had broken my heart by not being who I see in them... They tell me things like "you shouldn't care" or "I wish you wouldn't let them cut you so deeply" 

And as much as I wish it too... I wonder if I'd still be me if I had the capacity to give up on people; if I had the capacity to stop loving.  

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