Saturday, July 27, 2013

In which Tryph wishes she could just be deleted...

Our lives get all tangled up in the lives of others in a lot of different ways.

Sometimes they're tied through love, or passion, or lust.
Sometimes it's just friendly camaraderie, or friendship.
Often though, it's through the little things that you don't even notice.  The things that you can't imagine are such a part of your life.

It's the random compliment to or from a stranger that can change a life.
It's the smile from a random face on the street that can let the light in when things are dark.
It's all the little things, and all the big things all wrapped together.

It's so gory when you think about it, just how mixed up we all are in the world, and with other peoples worlds.  Even this stupid blog here, it's impacted people.  Me mostly, but I know some of the things I've written have touched others from time to time...And others have touched me using this platform.

And even knowing all of this, I still want to delete it all.

I don't mean the blog, I mean me.

I'm not talking about suicide or anything like that.  I'm not looking to die, I'm not looking to end myself... but I'm tired of all of this.  I'm tired of how messy my world has gotten, and how my mess makes it messier for everyone else around me.

I just want the mess to be gone.  And I'm not stupid, if I were just gone one morning, it would change things for people, all the lives I've touched... even the ones who's lives are messier for having known me, loved me, thrown me away.... it would change things and it wouldn't be for the better.

I just wish there was a way that I could be deleted, and that anyone I've touched... well their broken links to me would just get over written as they came up.  Like a spider, creeping into the worlds and lives of anyone who's tangled in mine, quietly removing me so I could just be invisible.

I don't know.  I'm just feeling  more than a bit dark this morning.

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