Wednesday, March 6, 2013

In which Tryph keeps talking about body stuff (2 of maybe 3)

So there I was, feeling very much like an inadequate parent (because honestly, a large part of childhood is play, and a large part of play involves running around, and when you can't do that with your kid... well, you're missing out and so is your child)

So the stage was set.  I needed to lose the fat weighing down my frame, and I needed to lose it now.

For me, it was an easy decision to make for a couple of reasons.  Number one, I felt ugly as a big girl.  Note that I'm not saying that I WAS ugly, or that fat girls ARE UGLY.  I'm saying I FELT ugly.  I'm allowed to feel however I want about myself without persecution.  Number two, I was an inadequate parent.  I wasn't healthy and I knew it.  Didn't matter what paper claimed about my health, I knew what I was at risk for, and my family history backed me up.  (Cancers, cervical, breast, stomach etc risk increase the more weight you carry and my mother very nearly dodged a cancer bullet a few years back.  Heart disease risk increases the more weight you carry around your middle, and my brother had a spot of heart problems last year.  Type 2 diabetes risk increases the more weight you've got, just to name a few things).  So I HAD to lose some of this weight.

The first thing I did after taking the first steps to lose weight was to proudly proclaim to people what I was doing. Believe me, I was SHOCKED about the response I got, and still get, when I tell someone I'm working out, and losing weight.

"But Tryph, you're so beautiful as you are right now.  Why on earth would you want to lose weight?"

At this point, I'd generally have to argue about health, knowing I'd never win the argument over body image and most people would roll their eyes and back off.  But it annoyed me.

You see, our culture is attempting to build a culture of "love your body" which is something I 100% approve of and believe in.  People shouldn't be shamed for their body type, be it large or small.  But it all gets mixed up these days.  People take EVERYTHING to the extreme and it annoys the everloving shit out of me.  

Right now, at 160lbs, I know I'm beautiful.  I know I've got a great smile, and gorgeous eyes.  I am pretty.  

But that doesn't mean I FEEL pretty.  That doesn't mean that every time I look in the mirror and see the fat that's still on my frame it doesn't bug me.  Wanting to lose weight doesn't mean I'm ashamed of my body, it simply means I know that there's more underneath.

Think of it like a present.  It's all wrapped in gorgeous wrapping paper with a lovely bow on top.  You admire the gift, but you don't look at it and say "well now, that's a lovely present, but I respect it too much to take the wrapping paper off" NO... you're going to tear into that thing and open it up to see what's inside.

I am a present.  My wrapping paper is a layer of body fat that needs to be shed both for my self image, and my health.  There's something even more beautiful and amazing underneath it.  

So yeah, that's me so far.  I've got one more thing to say about weightloss, body image and general health... but that's tomorrow.  Right now, I need to put pants on, attempt to fix a computer and row on my stationary rowing machine.  

TaTa For Now

No comments: