Thursday, June 16, 2011

In which Tryph doesn't have a good subject line

I don't even know what to do most days.

My life is all upside down and backwards, and I'm lost. I really hate living out of suit cases, and that's where I am. And I barely have enough clothes to make work appropriate outfits. Far too many tshirts, and far too few shirts I can actually wear to the office.

Stress is wearing me down too. I had my first meal in a few days yesterday. I ate 12 whole pieces of sushi. I was very proud of this accomplishment.

I'm not sure my stomach is ready for coffee again though. It's been a few days since I've had any, and the days seem to get longer and longer without it.

I sat on my mothers porch last night under the stars talking on the phone.

Upon coming back in I realized that I'm still on edge even here. I think I'd be on edge anywhere, at least until I have a 'home.'

I miss my monkey so much. His smile, his voice, the way he'd snuggle me in the morning before school. TeX said that he has made sure that he knows that it wasn't mommy's choice to leave... I worry though. Because it is my choice to stay away, and I fear that THAT is being messaged as well.

I just can't go back. I can't. Every time I stayed through his rage and his promises, it always turned back into the same old song and dance.

I just... I want a life again. I want out of suitcases. I want....

I want to be happy, and you can't be happy walking on eggshells through a mine field. I'm well past the point of exhaustion. It's time for me to rest.

No comments: