Monday, March 21, 2011

In Which Tryph has peace....

I've spent weeks crying, and dying. I've wailed, and sobbed and screamed my mornings away. Most nights I cry myself to sleep, quietly so as to not disturb anyone around me. And the sleep I do get is broken and not very restful.

Most days are a fog of pain, anguish and sorrow. The occasional bout of rage, and anger that I hold dear to keep me from losing myself to the pain. Or I've been numb, though numb isn't something that comes often, or stays long.

My body, my mind, my heart and my soul are constantly rioting with... emotion. There hasn't been a dull moment inside of Miss Tryph... until today.

(at the point of writing this, it is Friday night)

Today, I went for a walk on my lunch break, as I'm attempting to make it a habit of doing. The wind whipped and tugged at my hair and my jacket, and the music was in my ears. I suddenly felt.... free.

Though free isn't the right word.

Free suggests that I felt as if I was without pain, without suffering.

And I'm still very much in pain, I still feel the anguish with every fiber of my being.

I miss him with every part of me. I ache, and it's not dull at all, it's sharp an it still feels like I'm dying. It still feels like there is a hole in my chest where he belongs.

But I have peace about it.

I'm trying to remember that everything happens for a reason. Everything does. I know in my heart of hearts what the reason is for me. I hope the reason is the same for him. I also hope that this peace lasts.

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