Monday, February 28, 2011

In which Tryph writes another letter

My Dearest Matthew...

I'm fairly certain that you're probably a little frustrated with me of late. And to be honest I am with myself as well.

I'm pretty sure I'm ruining my life.

I still live in this god forsaken house that I should have left ages ago. I didn't, foolishly, because I didn't want to lose the boychild. and even now that I know that I'll be losing the boychild... I'm trying to make the best of what little time I have left with him.

I'm still letting people who should not matter (and as of the end of this week no longer matter at all) bully me and push me into the kind of frame of mind where I make bad choices and terrible decisions. The kinds of decisions where I give up the second most special relationship I've formed in a very long time.

I'm going crazy Mojo. Literally insane. Since I broke up with BBFE (who shall herein be referred to as YAE {yet another ex}) I haven't been able to stop crying.

I know it's the right thing to do. I'm fucking nuts and making his life hell. I'm making my own life hell and probably should have put the breaks on the whole thing months ago before things got so out of hand.

But I didn't. You know me, I'm terribly impulsive at the best of times... and when I found the missing piece of my puzzle... there was no stopping me.

And now I've lost him. Likely forever.

All because I let a bully push and push until I broke.

Mojo, I just wish you were here. I don't know how to put the pieces of my life back together... and I feel entirely alone now.

I miss you so much.

Love always,
Tryph

2 comments:

THE SPIRITUAL HOBO said...

Draw from this well of experience and you both will be refreshed. The sun rises higher each day now: things will heat up. Hang in but be happy. You repel when your sad and draw near with your cheer. Be strong not weak in your own will. Someone new waits for you.
You are the meaning of life because without you in it, life has no meaning at all.
Smile. even when it hurts to. A new day is dawning.
Signed, hobo

eva said...

Waahhhh that is so sad, I hope you'll find true love when all this divorce mess is over.. and also that you'll be able to see your little boy as much as possible.