Wednesday, February 23, 2011

In which Tryph talks about her Mother

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother dearly, and think she did the best she could with what she had, but... I don't have a lot of respect for her at times.

She's catty, gossipy, judgmental and has never been there for me when I needed her. I tried to kill myself, she grounded me. I ran away from home because my step father tried to kill me/slammed the door on my arm/threw things at me/tried to break a door down to beat me... she put me in therapy. My uncle molested me, she took him to court, he plead guilty and she kept sleeping with him and didn't remove him from our home.

So yeah, my mom and I aren't what you would call close.

I don't call her... granted I don't call anyone. I rarely email her... or just straight up chat. The way I see it is we're not 'friends' she's my mother and I don't tell her things that I don't want the world to know yet.

Which was the case with the decision to end my marriage and the subsequent act of moving on. I didn't tell her SQUAT because.. well why would I? We don't have that kind of relationship... AND the last time I told her I was leaving, she told me that I was lucky to have a guy who'd take care of me, no matter how unhappy I was.

But... it all came out after Christmas. TeX told his parents which meant I told mine. It was a 2 minute conversation and that was it.

Since then, she's been stalking my failbook profile to find out details about BBFE, and she found his name in my stocking photos. See, and I'm not complaining at all (honestly I find it kind of amusing), people who know BBFE and I have commented on some of the photos using his name. Well, she found him.

Anyhow, yesterday she started grilling me about WTF was going on. She straight up told me that we could talk, and mused about why we don't. I simply shrugged and told her that we just don't have that kind of relationship.

She said that makes her very sad, that she wishes that we did talk more.

I'm not sure I know how. I have a LOT of trust issues, mostly stemming from her behavior when I was a child. She's my mom and I feel like I should give her the chance to be my 'friend'. But she was the first in a long line of people who walked all over me.

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