Friday, January 21, 2011

In which Tryph has been MIA

Last night and this morning/afternoon I've found myself in a bit of an upset and frustrated state.

You see, yesterday someone said something to me that left me feeling as if they didn't care, as if they didn't want to hear about it. And I attempted to state my feelings (i.e. 'your comments make me feel like...') it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

I attempted a second time to state what I was feeling and why, and again, crickets were my only response.

Anyhow, it got me thinking that generally the only wrong thing to say is nothing at all.

Which got me thinking about more than last night's situation. It got me thinking about this blog, and quite possibly why I've gone off the rails the way I have of late. I stopped blogging. I stopped venting and voicing what was going on, and letting my fears and anxiety out into the world. I turned the valve off, and as such, I've got to get a prescription for anti anxiety meds filled and I've turned into a self destructive mess.

It's wrong for me to keep things bottled up. I used to think I was strong, way back in the day. When I'd hold it all in, and I wouldn't outwardly fall apart. The days when I was cold, and angry and hurting all the time. The days before Mojo found me and lifted me up. The days before I scrapped the ashes of a failed marriage off me. The days before....

My heart is heavy and it hurts and I'm anxious. ALL THE TIME.

It's like my eyes are open for the first time in a long long time. I'm seeing that I need purpose, and love, and that sometimes this goddamned world is going to hurt. Sometimes I'm not going to be able to weather the storm on my own. Sometimes I'm going to need help.

So friends, faithful readers (those I have left) Get ready for regular posting again. And to find out what's been going on in Tryphville for the last month or so.

No comments: