Wednesday, November 3, 2010

In which Tryph makes a decision

A year ago I made a life changing decision.

It had been one of those things that I had been debating and going back and forth on for the 2-3 years previous. But year ago I made this decision, and decided to sit on it for a year. Once the year was up, I would act. It's one of those choices of a physical nature, sort of a 'no turning back' thing.

And here I am, almost a year later, and as much as I hate the idea... I'm still committed to the decision I made.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I don't quite feel like I was given a choice in this matter. And don't get me wrong, I think I'm better off that things have gone down this way, because the alternative (getting my way) is likely worse than NOT getting my way.

My brain knows that the added layer of complication that getting my way in this matter would have brought is... well complicated. Would it have been worth it, YES. But some choices can't be made on your own... so you do what you have to do and you move forward.

I guess in part, the reason I hate this decision so much is that it extinguishes a hope I've had for a long time. A hope I swore I'd never let go of. I hate the idea of letting go of hope, but when something just isn't going to happen... maybe it's time to let go?

And now... to make the phone call to get the ball rolling on this. Maybe tomorrow... ;)


eva said...

What is your decision???

Tryphyna said...

To get my tubes tied.

I always wanted 2 kids, but there are a few reasons I'm pretty sure this won't be happening.

eva said...

Hah that is one big decision! Must be a relief to have it done, though, although I'm sure most people won't be as supportive of your choice as I am..
It must be lovely never having to worry about contraception ever again. Artificial hormones wreck havoc in the brain, and can cause or worsen depression.. lots of women feel better, less anxious and more awake and alive when they stop taking them- google hormonal contraception + depression if you're curious.
You won't have to worry about contraception if you don't mind getting pregnant either, though, so I guess there's a selfish option of just seeing what happens.. oops, I never said that!
I feel like I need to shut my mouth when talking about baby-making as I'm of the opinion that life has other things to offer as well, and people always find some way to take offence of that.