Tuesday, November 2, 2010

In which Tryph drinks

I haven't covered this in my lifestory just yet, but my mother is an alcoholic.

She still is now, although she doesn't drink like she used to. Meaning she still drinks, but isn't out of control. Though that's just an observation I can make from outside, seeing as how I don't live with her anymore. It's easier to hide it.

Anyhow, I turned to the manthing the other night and commented that I've drank more in the last 3 months than I have in the 3 years leading up to it put together.

The manthing simply laughed and said "you've been happy"

And he didn't mean that I've seemed happier because I've been drinking, he meant that I have been happier on the whole. And in all honesty, there has only been one time I've truly been miserable in the last while... and that was in August, and I'll admit, I drank WAY too much that day. But I don't think anyone blames me for that.

So, while thinking about my happiness quotient, and my increase in drinking I realized there was a clear correlation.

See, with my mom being an alcoholic. And my father being an alcoholic drug user, I've always been VERY careful with my own drinking. I'm not saying I've never drank too much and did something stupid, because that'd be a flat out lie, but I'm saying that I've been careful to not make a habit of drinking while depressed.

I always related my mothers alcoholism with her own battle with depression and the shitty hand life dealt her. As such, I always made it a point to not drink alone, and not drink and cry. No tears in my beers thank you very much.

So, back to the happy.

I'm feeling this strange sense of chaotic balance, if that makes sense to anyone. There isn't quite peace, but there's progress, and a light at the end of the tunnel and a hand waiting to guide me the rest of the way.

I feel loved, secure, happy and blessed to be alive. I feel joy, and hope.

So I guess I've been a little more free with drinking, since I'm not fearful of becoming the monster I've seen people become when they hit the bottle too hard without a clear mind.

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