Wednesday, August 4, 2010

In which it doesn't get any easier for Shana

I've never been the kind of person who takes the easy road.

Don't get me wrong, I'll debate long hard about the values and advantages of the easy road. And hell, I'll sometimes even start down the easy path, and perhaps walk a ways before I stop and come back to the start.

You'd think I'd get it by now. The easy road is never as easy as it appears. Most times, the easy road ends up being a lot harder than the 'hard' road ever could be.

A couple of weeks ago I started down the road I declared to be 'easy' and trust me, it was NOT HARD to start or keep walking down this road. I have to be honest... the only thing that turned out to be easy about this road was the beginning.

You see, while I wasn't being smart, I wasn't stupid. My eyes were wide open, and I knew the score. There was only 1 conclusion that this road had. Knowing this, every single day hurt. Every tear burned. Every word, comment, sigh or sound was like a tiny laceration.

I know, I sound like an emo kid... and perhaps I am (more than) a little on this subject.

The long and the short of it is that the other night I stopped, turned around and chose the 'hard' road. It's the one I needed to be on in the first place.

You want to know what the kicker is?

This road, path or whatever you want to call it?

It's harder than ever. I feel like my heart has been beaten, but at least it's not broken, just bruised. I'm sure it'll heal, and things will be better than ever.

for now though. It hurts like a bitch.

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