Wednesday, June 2, 2010

In Which Shana hates matinées

There are two thoughts in my head when it comes to children.

I love mine.
And I can't stand other peoples.

This isn't to say I don't like YOUR kid, I just don't like kids in general.

It's funny, put me at a family gathering, and I'll gravitate towards the kids more than the adults. They tend to be far more accepting of me, and generally tend to suck a lot less. But put me in a public setting, and your screaming, kicking, whining child is liable to give me a headache and a major case of annoyance.

This goes double when in a movie theater.

I first took my child to see CARS when he was about 5 or so. Now, because I'm the kind of parent that hates loud children, I spent a good 6 months training the boy to be theatre ready.

Basically, when we'd watch a movie, he was to stay seated, and stay quiet. If he had to speak, he would use his 'theatre' voice (basically a hushed whisper). And times that he did have to get up, I wouldn't pause the movie.

Now, I know that sometimes kids forget the rules, especially 5 year olds. So I added in a failsafe for him. Basically, I SHH him, and so long as he shh's we're fine. If he doesn't shh he has to leave, immediately, with a VERY grumpy me.

The way I see it, if I can't enjoy a film with a screaming child, I can't expect anyone else to enjoy it when my child is screaming.

So, I taught my child a few rules, and I avoid matinées like the plague.

Why did I write this? So I could say to the parents, and would be parents out there, follow my lead and teach your kids these rules. Or I'll steal your soul.

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