Thursday, June 17, 2010

In which Shana finds being a muse offensive

I'm sure a lot of people would be flattered to know that they inspired someone to create something. And perhaps I would, if things were different. Sadly they're not different and I do find it offensive.
I don't want to get into it, but I've faced a lot of heartache in the last decade. Much of it I went through alone, both through my own decisions and the decisions of others. I didn't really feel like I had anyone to talk to.

So there were times I'd scream. I'd scream at the top of my lungs. I'd scream with all of my heart. I'd scream with tears streaming down my face.

And the screams seemed to fall on deaf ears.

In short, I'd scream, and there would be a reaction of scorn, disdain, anger if there was a reaction at all.

It would seem that the ears were less deaf than I thought they were, as I sit here and listen to the band practice. I hear lyrics like "I ignored your cries, through my open eyes" and "you saw me before I believed"... well they cut me.

It hurts to know that my screams WERE heard, but ignored.

And you may think to yourself 'but in writing the lyric, it opens the door to the conversations you needed to have when you were busy screaming your fool head off'. And you'd be right to say that. here's the thing.

I've expressed my thoughts, feelings and pain over the lyrics, and was faced with laughter, and the comment that I should be flattered. I've tried pressing the subject, and nothing comes of it.

So yeah, this is why I hate being a muse, and this is why I hate it when the band practices their acoustic stuff in the basement.

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