Wednesday, May 19, 2010

In which Shana... well whatever.

Last night I was called passive-aggressive.

And as much as I want to say I'm not passive-aggressive.... I can't.

I made myself a promise to LOOK at myself, and ACCEPT what I am. (this isn't to say that I won't try to fix my flaws) so I can't honestly deny this. I can't say I'm not passive-aggressive.

And while at the time I was called passive-aggressive, I can sincerely tell you it was NOT my intent (I simply said something.... and then realized that I probably shouldn't have... and tried to back pedal) I can understand the why it was perceived that way.

In the past, I have relied quite heavily on manipulation, on being passive aggressive to make my points heard. It's something that I've done a lot of work on to change in ME, but also in changing my own circumstances.

It just hurts to know that I am still seen this way. It hurts to know that I still do things that hurt people, even unintentionally. And I've got to be honest, more than a few tears have been shed over this, but I accept my own fault and my own responsibility.

And as much as it hurt, I appreciate the opportunity I've been given. Honestly, without people to call me out for my bullshit, I'd never be able to improve.

3 comments:

Kelly said...

Amen sista. Yep. Sometimes it helps to have real friends tell you the truth, even if it hurts...no use for lip service, doesn't do anybody any good. Congrats for regognizing this...

Kelly said...

Amen sista. Yep. Sometimes it helps to have real friends tell you the truth, even if it hurts...no use for lip service, doesn't do anybody any good. Congrats for recognizing this...

Shana-Marie said...

I find that the people I love the most, are the ones who call me out. They're the ones I plan to keep around forever :)