Wednesday, May 26, 2010

In Which Shana is too intense for her own good

It's true really, I tend to be FAR too intense for my own good. It almost ALWAYS leaves me feeling hurt and lonely.

As long as I remember, I've had troubles connecting with people. We've covered that off time and time again, so I'll leave THAT end of things, because who needs to rehash what's been covered time and again?

There have been a few times in my life that I've not only made friends with people, but I've really felt like I CONNECTED with someone. Where I've had a relationship where I didn't have to BE anything or anyone but who I am.

When I think about this, I think there are 3 people I've felt this way about.

The first, was a girl I declared to be my Best Friend. Turned out that THAT title was one sided, but I found that out later after everything fell apart.

The second was a boy who I declared to be my first love. He and I were so very similar in so many ways, and it always felt natural when he was around. But again, that was pretty one sided too, and eventually our 'relationship' turned into something kind of awful, that scarred me deeply.

The third, was another male, and this one I tried to be a little more cautious with. But, being the intense little brat I tend to be. Well, I found myself in another one sided situation, that left me feeling hurt and confused.

I wonder if I'm ever going to learn? I need to look before I leap. Also, 10 out of 9 times that I feel like I'm actually 'connecting' with someone, it's likely just wishful thinking.

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