Monday, March 22, 2010

In which Shana wishes that this was THAT kind of blog

But it's not. Not here, not anymore.

I am, and always will be a 'life' blogger. I will, however, keep certain 'current' (and not so current) events to myself.

The last time I blogged about things I was going through.... it muddied the waters, and caused problems, so I'll leave it alone for now. I thought it would make the decisions EASIER, but in the end it made it harder.

though I wish I could.

Let me say it like this.

My path... well, it's come to a crossroads.... and what really hit the point home about how BIG of a crossroads was THIS tweet (by Tarot By Arwen via @Tarotscopes)

And suddenly there are WORDS to go along with the questions... with the choices... with the path(s) that lay ahead of me.

On the one hand, I could drink the Koolaid... and things could continue as they are. This is not necessarily a BAD thing. Things aren't AWFUL as they once were, but I'm just not really happy. If that makes any sense.

On the other hand, I could eat the apple... which would change everything, but find the happy I've been searching for. The downside to eating the apple is just that EVERYTHING changes. I am not big with the change. It scares the ever living fuck out of me.

Or, I could take option 3 and run off to find a loft somewhere and pretend I'm someone else.

All I know is that the longer I stand at this crossroads... the more miserable I'm going to be.


Tarot By Arwen said...

Hey you. Sometimes you have to just step. To the left. To the right. Or straight on until morning. You have to choose. I know you are suffering from depression. I so identify with that because I do too. Have for a long time. Finally found a type of therapy that works for me without drugs.

I do watch your tweets even if I don't alway reply. Please know that you can DM me if you just want to chat. I like ya, kiddo. :)

Shana-Marie said...

I kind of feel like I'm doing the hokey pokey with all the side stepping, lol.

Sometimes you don't even realize that you're consuming so much Koolaid until someone throws an apple at your head (I'm really enjoying that analogy)

I do appreciate the ear... and I may take you up on that offer one of the days! I'm the same way, i follow if I don't always comment :)

Tarot By Arwen said...

Okay ... the whole hokey pokey thing cracked me up! Fake it til you make it!