Monday, March 8, 2010

In which Shana-Marie decides to not be cryptic

I have a habit of saying something without REALLY saying it.

And sometimes, this is okay, because sometimes the actual words are better left unsaid, and saying them aloud (or typing them out) can bring things to a whole new level. And in achieving this new level lines are crossed, or almost crossed as the case may be.

I don't LIKE being cryptic here.

It's NOT FAIR for me to be cryptic here.

This is why I deleted the post that I wrote an hour ago.

It was full of innuendo, and a lot of lines to read between...

And while I fully embrace being cryptic about specific situations within the body of the post, I cannot condone an entire post of crypticness. I promised myself that this space, this soapbox, would be my honest space. And if it's not something I can be 'lay it all on the table' about, It doesn't belong here.

So I deleted the post, and here I am talking about the post. It's not as interesting as the other one, but it is honest, it is true, and there is nothing that can be read into (save for the fact that there's something that I'm not prepared to talk about just yet)

Anyhow, it is now 3am, (though this post won't drop for another 6-7 hours) and thanks to writing two blog posts, and a cup of vanilla chamomile tea I think I am prepared to sleep.


eva said...

WWohoo for the new header!! I also saw you had a new photo of yourself up for a little while, in a meadow or something?? I loved it, it was really pretty, put it back up!!!!

Shana-Marie said...

Lol... it was one of my modeling pictures from when I was a teen. I thought having it up there with the new header would be a little too narcissistic, but I will put it back :)

Jacob Van De Graaff said...

I'm all over that... cryptic comments and dodged questions are usually my entire MO. I've lately run into some problems with that, actually, since it no longer actually serves me to keep quiet about the important stuff in my life. For once, I actually need to be direct, and I'm finding that I somehow went and forgot how to do that.

Going back to your specific entry, though, I do have to say that I see nothing wrong with being cryptic in general. The only time I think it's not actually a good thing is when it actively harms you or someone close to you, which it does not seem to be in this situation. It sounds to me as though you had something you needed to get out, and yet had no way to do so without risking people learning things about you that you weren't ready to have out in the open.

My solution to this, traditionally, would be to recommend either exactly what you did (that is, be as cryptic as you need to be while still saying things that will make sense to those who have the necessary information to understand what you're saying) or to find an artistic outlet -- a place to work through the emotions involved in whatever you're coping with, but not to actually explain the situation itself. For me that's usually taken the form of fractal art, generally with a one- or two-word caption (for example this wallpaper from a bit over a year ago).

Basically, don't be afraid to express the things you need to. Even if it's personal or confusing or whatever, if you need to get it out, then find a way.

Shana-Marie said...

@Jacob - My cryptic situation is all pretty much up in the air at this point. It depends on where the chips fall what would happen if I was fully direct about it. I figure until I get a handle on things myself, it's better to just leave the words unsaid.

When things like this came up before, I, like you, used to jump into creative endeavors like writing (a lot of poetry) or some photo editing. I am trying to work through it, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel... it's just out of reach at present :-).

I love your wall paper, and I added you to my watch list on Deviant art. My handle over there is Tryphyna!

You are right though. I need to move forward without the fear I carry with myself as it is. It's only making the situation muddier than it has to be.