Friday, October 2, 2009

In which Shana is Dead tired of having nothing at all

I grew up poor.

Like crazy, dirt poor.

The poverty line where we live is approximately 18,000 a year for a single person. My mother raised my two brothers and myself on less than that. Even with my step father in the picture, we didn't have much more, and often had less.

Know what the best part was? I knew we didn't have a lot of money, but I didn't realize how bad off it was until I was nearing my preteens. I didn't realize that other kids didn't eat generic kraft dinner 3 nights a week. I didn't know that powdered milk wasn't the norm, and that normal milk wasn't a luxury. I didn't quite realize that most people didn't frequent food banks to make sure we had dinner.

Eventually, I realized it. And I promised myself that I would NEVER live like that again. I would never be poor.

And in adulthood, I'm not poor. Not really. The hubs has a very good job where he makes very good money. We own our own home, and have for almost 6 years now. It's in a nice area, and it's ours. We have the money to get things, like computers, and games. The boy always has good food to eat, that only comes from a can when he asks for it. He's got nice clothes that aren't all second hand.

But I still feel poor.

And I don't really know why.

Well, no, that's not entirely true. I know exactly why.

I feel poor because I can't get my hair done every 4-6 weeks.
I feel poor because I can't shop for clothes whenever I want.
I feel poor because I've waited 3 years for a tattoo, and 2 years for piercings.
I feel poor because I need new flooring/carpeting.
I feel poor because I can't remodel my kitchen the way I'd like to.
I feel poor because our car is twice as old as our son.

But even that's not the REAL reason I feel poor, is because I'm unhappy. And I'm unhappy for a number of reasons, and I think that's why I feel poor.

Poor me.

2 comments:

eva said...

Kids tend to think that whatever they grow up with is normal, so it's not strange that you didn't think it was weird.

I think a piercing is a good thing to splurge on, I always feel ace and new for a while after I get a new piercing.

Oohh and I'm a LOT more broke than you, ha ha. It sucks. But I agree feeling down is far more limiting than being broke.

Shana-Marie said...

It's like getting your hair done, or a new shirt, or pair of shoes.... they're all shiny and new!

I'm totally NOT broke, we're just really really bad at managing money. If we were to ever sit down and create a budget we'd be in the clear... but I'd still be in my basement