Thursday, September 24, 2009

In which Shana is in search of her peers

When I was younger, I had a hard time fitting in with people my own age.

I'm pretty sure I've gone on about that before, or I will get into it a little more when the life story posts are back on track, but yeah, I had social issues within my own peer group.

I had hoped that this problem would cease or at least get better as I got older, but it doesn't seem to be. In fact it's worse.

There are two groups of people that I generally try to align myself with, people within my own age bracket, or people with children within my son's age bracket. You'd think we'd have something in common that way.

Sadly, this is not the case.

When it comes to my own age bracket, I'm just not in the same world as them anymore. Most are single, or dating, and very few have kids or spouses. I'm kind of on my own in that respect. I've been married for 8 years, have a wonderful kid, and own my own home. Also, I've never gone to school.... So what do I really have to say to anyone in a social context?

I just wind up having a hard time connecting, you know?

And then there's the parents. I tend to consider myself 'mommy pariah' when it comes to the boy's friend's moms. When he was in JK/SK, I wasn't around much. I was working a lot of crazy hours, and didn't do much at the school. In Grade 1, I was around more, and started picking him up from school. A lot of the other parents (at least the females) would take one look at my black clothes, stripey socks, eyeliner/shadow and hair (either insane curls, pigtails, funky colours or all of the above) and they'd generally avoid me.

The fathers though, they'd talk to me. I remember there was this one chap that I used to talk to every time I was there. But he was the only one who'd say hi, or smile back at me. Thankfully, I've only had a negative run in with one parent... and that's not so much of a run in as it is that she's a jerk. Up until I started picking the boy up more often, her son and my son were fast friends, but once she got an eyeful of me... well, that seems to have changed.

Mornings when I'd drop the boy off, she'd call her kid back if they were playing together. Eventually they stopped playing at all, and now My boy doesn't get invited to that boys birthday anymore. It's sad really.

Know what the best part is? She's got curly hair, that she doesn't know what to do with so it's always in a pony tail... and she's always in track suits or sweat pants. Like someone who barely puts any thought into how they look can be critical of me?

Anyhow, that little tirade isn't the point I'm trying to make.

I just find it difficult to find where I fit again... I'm sort of bookended by people who just don't quite connect with me and my world view on either side. I dunno... I'm probably just over thinking something that's a total non issue.


eva said...

How shocking that she called her son back when she saw you? I've seen photos of you, and yes you have your own style, but you don't look dangerous or like someone to avoid?? You look cute and nice. She sounds reaalllly clever(and fashionable bahaha). I wouldn't be too upset if I wasn't on good terms with judgemental people like her.

I don't think you're over thinking stuff- wanting to find someone and somewhere to relate to is normal and important. And tricky, if you're not an A4 sort of person. It would be good if you could find some friends who was mums but also alternative like yourself!

Shana-Marie said...

I suppose she just didn't like the cut of my jib. I get it when a person wants to avoid me, but don't punish my son because you don't like the look of me.

I've started to make a friend who's a little non A4, as I am, and our kids are in the same class. She doesn't quite get me, but then, I don't know I'll ever find anyone who does. I don't think it's settling for someone who understands, or makes an attempt to.