Wednesday, September 30, 2009

In which Shana is in a lot of pain

Ever since I was a teen, I've lived with headaches.

At first, they were mild enough that I could just live through them. I didn't need to medicate them, but I knew the headache was there, nagging in the background.

Then, they started to get pretty bad. I told my mother about them, but that didn't get me anywhere, so I started stealing my Step Father's Tylenol 3's and 4's which contained codeine, and actually helped with the pain. Sadly, my friends caught me, and decided they wanted in on the action. So while the pills helped me better function, it made them sleepy. One thing lead to another, and my teacher called my mom and cried drug usage.

I was in essence, cut off at that point. They thought I was lying, and just wanted to get high. I can tell you, I've never really wanted to get high, and as such, have never used recreational drugs for recreation. I've never smoked pot, consumed shrooms, or taken anything stronger, ever. The few times I've had codeine or oxycocet have been related to migraine pain, and finding ways to handle it.

Anyhow, I managed to keep on with the increased pain for a few more years. It wasn't bad every day, and I was still able to handle the mild headaches. Thank the gods I wasn't photosensitive back then. By the time I was 15, it was bad enough that when I'd get home from school, I'd lock myself away in the darkest part of the house and cry.

One day my mother found me like that, and realized that something was up. After dealing with headaches for at least 4 years, she got me to a doctor.

They scanned my had, they hooked electrodes up, they sent me to a neurologist, all to find out what caused the headaches, and were, stumped. They couldn't find any food allergies, or environmental issues. So, they treated the symptom. They gave me a daily pill to handle the pain.

The best part is, it worked!

For the first time in years, I was pain free.

Then summer came, and I remember going outside with my then boyfriend and friend who'd come to visit me at school during exams. We went for a walk, and within minutes, I'd gotten hives.

Turns out the meds made me allergic to the sun. How dumb is THAT? Anyhow, I went off the meds, and the headaches came back, but they were at a manageable level again. Not often were they so bad that I couldn't function.

And even for the bulk of my adult life, I still get migraines, but the massive pain doesn't generally last more than a week or so. More often than not, I can shrug it off. Except this last month. This last month, I've spent more time taking some kind of medication for my head than not.

I'm getting worried, but I'm doing nothing about it.

Why am I not seeing my doctor? Because every time I do, she calls me fat, and ignores the fact that I'm having problems losing weight. She just tells me to work harder. So, I'm afraid to go. And doctors are in short supply.... so I'll hold off until I"m about 40 lbs lighter, or the headaches are so bad I can't hardly function.


Sari said...

I love my doctor, but she and every other doc Simon, or my sister, or I have ever seen blames all of our problems on our weight. Yes, some things are related to it, but every single complaint one of us has, we're just told to lose weight. I'm fucking sick of it.

eva said...

I hope your doctor doesn't intimidate you so much that you're not getting the treatment you need!! At least make sure you're getting proper medication for it, even if you have to meet miss annoying doctor lady to get it. I don't think people who has never had migraines(and that includes myself) can imagine how serious and horrible it is.

brite69 said...

Ugh. I can totally empathize with you about doctors. Every time I go to them about the pain I'm in, I hear at least two out of three things. 1- I'm too fat and if I would just put some effort into losing weight, I wouldn't have so many problems. 2- I'm nothing more than a drug seeker. 3- It can't POSSIBLY be anything that I have read about and recognize the symptoms of cuzz, you know, I'm not actually a doctor.

It's SO incredibly frustrating to try to get help and to be batted away time and time again cuzz the doctor thinks they know better then I do about what's going on in my body. But, even though I hate being talked down to and have actually had panic attacks before, during and after my appts due to that, I keep going. At some point, they're gonna get sick of seeing me in their offices and they're either going to order the tests that I've requested just to shut me up or refer me out to someone else who just might listen to me.

Keep your head up and keep trying to get help. I know it's difficult and I know it's easy to just get to the point where you say fuck it all, but if you keep pushing through, eventually SOMEONE will listen.

disque dur externe said...

I think you should take advices of other specialist. I totally agree that unconsciousness becomes serious and horrible sometimes.