Monday, August 24, 2009

In Which Shana gets her stuff together

To say this last couple of weeks has been pretty tough on me is putting it mildly.

Not that anything bad has happened to me or anything, it's just that the depression has taken hold and isn't showing much sign of letting go.

Generally speaking, I write through the pain. I write, and it's something like a life preserver. It keeps my head above water, keeps me from being completely swept away. I used to write poetry through times like this. Sometimes I'd write short stories. A few times, I'd write stream of consciousness type journals. And it would help. These days though, I don't write creatively anymore. I haven't in years, so I'll blog. Without fail, for the last few years of my life, I've blogged through the hardest, darkest, pain filled times.

Last week though, every time I tried to write, nothing came out. No poems, no short stories, no blogs, no words. There was nothing.

No, that's not quite right.

Of late, I've been feeling the push of words, of creativity. The desire, the need, to get my stories out. To make the words come, to finally finish something that I started years ago.

This push, has pushed the other words out. It's made it difficult to blog. It's made it difficult to think. It's made me impossible to deal with. I'm feeling rather depressed and pathetic, because I feel the need to write, but I'm so damned blocked up that I just don't know where to start.

I've got a few more words now, at least enough to get the blog back on it's feet... but I'm desperate to write.

I just wish I knew how

2 comments:

eva said...

Hey lady, I wondered where you went! GAh, depression sucks, it's like being a zombie-person.. moving around and all that, yet not proper alive. I've been reading up on hormonal birth control pills and depression lately- apparently it gives a LOT of women depression. And migraines. And lack of sex drive.. gee, poor ladies, eh? I've stopped taking the pills to see if I'll get better, it's worth a try.

It's cool if you're able to write, though - don't worry about updating blogthings if you're busy writing! People won't forget you just because you don't blog for a while :)

Maddie said...

hey good to have you back!!! and i agree, no one will forget u if dont write for a while. i`m going thru a mild depression phase these day(holy month=family contact on a daily basis) so take it easy and ger thru the day hour by hour

oh and try this: if you cant control it(applies to relationships till shopping list) don`t worry about it!