Wednesday, July 22, 2009

In which I wonder if it's just me

I am super qualified.
I have work ethic that would put most people to shame.
I am diligent, studious, and a quick study.
I'm generally easy to get along with, although I am shy.
I am task oriented, yet I understand being people oriented is important.
I adapt very well, and enjoy feedback/coaching and discussing improvements.

Yet, Over the last 2 years, I've lost 3 jobs, one I was with for over 6 years and the other two were within my first 90 days.

While I can look at each situation and understand that it was not my fault... I have to wonder. Is it just me? Am I flawed? Am I just unemployable, or undesirable to work with?

I'm doing my best to take this in stride, but after the weekend I just finished...

Well, it's hard not to fall into a pit of depression.

Rationally, I know that I could have, would have, done better if they'd told me WHAT I was doing wrong, instead of simply stating I was doing something wrong. I know that I was willing to work with them, and tried to demonstrate that on a regular basis. I know I did what I could do. I know my slower than usual Internet connection was partially to blame.

And the last job... When I already feel pretty dumb, and have someone going on about how much they hate stupid people and stupid questions... I'm not going to open up. My only failing there was taking her comments and remarks personally.

Both of these jobs were not where I belonged... rationally I know this.

Irrational/emotional brain though, tells a different story.

It goes on to tell me that If I was smarter, I wouldn't be in this situation. If I proved myself useful or worth it, I wouldn't be cast off so easily. And it ties this into my interpersonal problems.
Maybe I should just stop trying to reach, and just accept that I'm minimum wage bound. That there just ISN'T anything better out there for me... ugh

I'm trying to stay away from this slippery slope... but please forgive me if I slide a bit.

***edited to add***

I'm talking to someone, who has told me that hours have been cut drastically, and I suspect others have been cut as well. Also, that they tend to target certain people and that they do intend to rule you with an iron fist.

Overall, the message is clear, not my fault, and I am 100% better for not being there.

1 comment:

eva said...

You answered your own question; it wasn't where you belonged. And for the last job and that rude woman you met.. uhm, it's not who you'd want to work with.
Good luck finding something amazing with nice, friendly people to work with!!