Monday, June 22, 2009

In which Shana is frustrated by half truths

I'm doubly frustrated by half truths.

It's really quite annoying when you hear someone tell a story, and they start to garner your sympathy, or even empathy... and yet, you know that there's a lot more than they're telling you.

I'll give you an example. A few years back, I was out of my mind. I was depressed, manic, and angry all the time. I did what I could to keep my rage under wraps, but I didn't manage to keep it that way all the time. More often than I care to admit, I lost control of myself.

And when I say lost control... I wasn't a safe person to be around. I'd throw things... On more than one occasion I stabbed the hubs with a fork, pencil, whatever I could lay my hands on. And it wasn't just me that was volatile... we took turns bashing in doors, and while he didn't stab me... he did hit me, push me, throw me.

We were quite a pair.

Of course, I didn't paint the story like that, because how could I make myself out to be the bad guy. And that's how I thought of it, full of righteous anger and fear for what people would think of me... anyhow....

The hubs finally threatened to keep our son from me if I wasn't going to get help. He told me that I should be in the nut house because I was endangering our family. I, of course, being irrational and muddy headed just flew into more of a rage.

That weekend, my son was away from me from Friday morning until Monday night.

I can't say I recovered completely right away... Even now I'm still prone to violent outbursts, though they are generally directed at myself... but I worked at it, and gained control. So did he for the most part.

So anyhow... when I read about this girl I know who's husband has taken their daughter away from her... at first, I was heart broken for her. Then I started reading some of the things he's said. Like "everything will be fine if you remember your promise" and "I only want what's best for you" and the kicker... "I'll let you see her when we can set up a SAFE meeting".

People are calling him an asshole, control freak, and saying that he's got no reason at all to do this, because she loves her kids.

I don't think he's denying that she loves them... I think he's afraid for their mental, emotional and to a certain extent physical well being. But, do I know the whole story? No... so am I going to pick a side and call him names? No.

I've never been the kind of person to pick sides when it comes to things that don't directly involve me, and I've lost friends because of this, and I'm prepared to do so again.

I don't know... I know that's it's hypocritical of me to say it, but I wish people wouldn't just present one side of the story. Though... I've gotten a lot better about not playing the victim. I'm fairly honest with myself and those around me when it comes to discussing things that happen.


eva said...

Wow, you really have gone through a lot. It's great that you've worked with yourself and taken control of the situation.

Not picking sides is a good thing. I have some friends who has fallen out with each other while still being friends with me. It's interesting to hear both sides of the story sometimes.

Shana-Marie said...

It's so rare that people stop to hear both sides of a story. And it's not even like either person involved is lying, it's just that their side is coloured by their own experiences and feelings. People are just... different.

I wish more people got that, or at least didn't criticize those who do.