Sunday, May 17, 2009

The teenage years, part 5

I'm never quite sure where to go when I start writing one of these posts. There just seems to be so much to say, and yet at the same time, not that much. So many directions, and so little space to cover it all off in.

I'll do the best I can.

So, by this point, I'm lying to fit in, and I'm a little paranoid. But hey, this makes me all the more interesting, doesn't it?

Anyhow, I had a fairly solid group of 'friends' at this point. I use the terms solid and friends very lightly simply based on the fact that I don't really know if I've ever had friends... more on that as we develop my story though.

And I didn't feel like I fit in with these girls. Granted, this is yet another theme that continues in my life, but is irrelevant.

There was the slut, who by 12 was sleeping with a boy two years her senior. The chubby girl who refused to exercise. The introvert, whom was quieter than I. The know it all, little miss perfect. The loud mouth. The fairly average girl whom used to be part of the popular crowd. The girl who tried too hard. And me. Later on we added the sleazy girl from the wrong side of the tracks, and the pathological liar.

We were a ragtag group of losers, but we were losers who stuck together. I became their resident shrink. I was very good at listening to them, and they had a lot of shit to talk about. But then, when do teenage girls NOT have tonnes of angst going on in their lives?

While I listened to their bullshit, and guided them through so much drama... I remained silent. Even in this group of 'friends' I had no where to turn. I felt completely alone. I had bullshit of my own to deal with, and yet, any time I turned to them for help... I was shunned.

I remember one night, this was when my stepfather was rushed to the hospital to get a new kidney, I was in a panic. He was VERY sick, and there was a good chance that this surgery would kill him. I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again.

I was in a panic, freaking out and crying. My mom was with him, and my brothers felt it was best if I was distracted, so they sent me to a friends house to sleep over. Now my friends all got together, and they all knew the score, but the moment I got upset, they all abandoned me. Not a single one of them hugged me or said anything to comfort me. They just went downstairs, and left me crying alone in a dark bedroom.

Eventually her mom came and got me, and she and I talked for a few hours. She calmed me down and I was finally able to sleep.

I've never been so grateful of anyone in my life.

So yea, that's another installment in my life. And yet, I feel as if I've written next to nothing... and not at all what I wanted to write. I think next I'll talk about my stepfather, and the degradation of our relationship.

1 comment:

eva said...

teenagers can be cruel.
but a lot of grown ups also act like teenagers when faced with other people's problems.. ugh.