Thursday, April 2, 2009

What's the point?

So. I went up north. I was 'trained' by a racist anti social bitch.

She kept making derogatory comments about black people and natives. Keep in mind my background is partially native. She refereed to her coworkers as idiotic morons who ask stupid fucking questions all the fucking time. She seriously used the word fuck the same way that one uses a period to close a sentence.

I am painfully shy. You put me in a room with a racist confrontational bitch like this, and I'm going to shut down.

So... the bitch told the boss lady that I wasn't sales material... and they decided that I wasn't going to fit.

I told them that maybe they need to reevaluate their training. Because seriously, watching this girl put together a spreadsheet for who in the office goes to goodlife fitness... really isn't giving me much of an opportunity to learn or interact.

I am jobless again. At least they're going to pay me for the week and all my travel still.

but it brings me to this point.... and here's where the blog is going to get pretty lengthy.

What's the point? why the fuck do I keep trying? All it gets me is pain and aggravation.

what is the point of it all?

I just want to give up.

my life has been a series of failures... one after another. Every time I manage to poke my head through the rubble, a giant foot comes down to shove me back into my place.

I just give up.

And no, I don't mean I'm going to off myself... but I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no drive and I'm tired of failing.

1 comment:

eva said...

oohh nooo! what a shame you met this troll-monster-lady!! i know you don't have a job any longer, but i don't think you failed.. it's good that you have morals. monster-lady has failed - a long long time ago, in her own way.

you don't want to work with people like that anyway. you'll find something better with less hostile troll-ladies.

i seriously can't take bullying, and rascism is just that - bullying. she'll be a bully in all respects. you don't want to be near a job that allows that. also, i don't really understand how they run their company or whatever it is. you can't just hire someone and then fire them after a day?? they seriously didn't even have time to see what you were worth.

the "what's the point" thing sounds familiar to me. it used to be my mantra when i was more depressed. there's not really a point in doing anything - yet there IS a point in doing things.. thinking there's a point in things is just a feeling. the more shit you feel the less you're going to see "the point" in things. remember that it's because of how you feel - it's not a fact. depression feeds you lies and doubts, not facts.

soo yeah, good luck with whatever is ahead of yoU! life isn't straight forward. at least it's getting warmer and lighter now, so the mood will change for the better:)

has your cat returned yet??