Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The teenage years, part 4

So, I last left off I was young, about grade 6 or so. I'd just watched my stepfather beat someone senseless, was dragged through the court system, and was told by a teacher that I should never ever sing.

We'll move on a bit from here, but we're at the same point of the time line though and I'll tell you about some of my friends, and the start of me becoming a huge liar.

At this time, I'd made friends with a few of the people that would share my life for the next few years. I'm not going to get into their names, or their details, because while they were a huge part of my life, it's not really THAT important.

Their names at least. Their actions... well, only time will tell, right?

Anyhow, at this time, there was talk about 'white vans' and camaros running rampant through the region. Things were happening that were beyond our control, and me being the paranoid drama freak I am... well, I became convinced that my mother's now ex boyfriend was following me.

This wasn't completely unfounded. I did see him hanging around my school once or twice after everything went down. It was creepy, but while the man was pretty sleazy, I don't think he was trying to kidnap me. I honestly think he was hoping to catch my mom without my stepfather around.

But back to me being a liar. I don't even know how it started, but somehow, I know I ended up telling a story about how the year before, I'd been caught by a teacher making out with a boy in a classroom.

I'd never been kissed at this point. Never really had a boy interested in me at all. But hell, I had only just given up barbie dolls. Why did I create this fiction? I don't know to be honest.

I didn't fit. I just didn't fit with these girls. I knew it, they knew it, but they humored me, and I created fiction to help fit in.

it didn't work.

This is the theme that is going to keep coming up in my life as I continue to tell my story. It's generally the story of how Shana-Marie just didn't feel like she fit, and how she fought to try so hard, and ended up making a mess of it all.

Yea... so I didn't really tell you much of my life in this post, but I suppose I laid the groundwork for things to come.

1 comment:

eva said...

i love reading these life story posts!
i always tried to fit in too, and the moment i gave up and realized i was an alien who would never fit in, i somehow fitted in more? or i didn't really fit in, but people seemed to accept it more and liked me even though i didn't fit in? growing up is ace. i hope you don't try to fit in anymore - there's no point - there's a lot of fellow alienz out there ;)