Tuesday, November 25, 2008

fuck the media

I swear a lot lately, I know. I'm really unhappy with my station in life, and I'm not being as articulate as I could/should be. I figure that I could either bitch at myself for swearing so much, (which would be a vicious cycle) or I could just suck it up, and know that eventually I'll deal and perhaps stop cussing so much.

Anyhow... the subject. Fuck the Media.

I have self image issues. I've said it before... and I'll say it again. I have them, and it's taking me time to try and deal with them.

That image... the one right there.... Well... I was trying to explain to the hubs one day just what it is I see when someone takes a photograph of me.

He tells me that I'm beautiful and that I have nothing to be ashamed of... so, I took this picture (taken last April I think) and dissected it to give him a birds eye view of the mind of Shana.

Now, I'm not going to blame the media for my issues. They're not entirely at fault, but they play a big part. The books I used to read, movies I used to watch, TV shows... they all had images of what 'beauty' was, or at least what I thought beauty was. And it impacted me. I felt inferior.

Then, factor in the brothers who tormented me as brothers do, and the boys at school who always made fun of me. I was given the name 'frobo cop' once because of my wild tangle of curls.

Then... factor the troubled youth, and you end up with a girl who turns into a woman with self image issues.

There was a time, not to long ago that I wouldn't even let my husband see me naked. I just couldn't handle it. I'd have anxiety attacks at the thought of it, and I'd start to sob uncontrollably if he did inadvertently see me naked. I would get angry at myself and feel disgusted at the sight of me in a mirror.

Now, I know a lot of that has to do with my depression, and once I got back into the swing of taking my Vitamin B and Omega 3's I was back in a place where, while I'm not happy with how I look, I don't flip out at the sight of it.

Anyhow... back to the media.

The video I linked up yesterday, AFP's Leed's united. She's dancing and prancing around with her shirt undone and you can see her exposed midriff. And She looks FUCKING hot. But, she's not scrawny. She's slim, but not skinny, if you catch my drift. Basically, she has what would seem to be a healthy body.

Her record label, wanted to pull all shots that showed her belly. They said she looked fat.And I say, FUCK the media. Fuck modern thought. Fuck men who think women should be stick figures. Fuck the images that make me feel inferior. Long Live Healthy Women!

I'm not including a picture of my belly though. While I think that healthy body image is a good thing to have... I'm still a little grossed out by my stomach.

1 comment:

eva said...

i just watched the video again, i think she's proper skinny?? i can't believe they said she looked fat????? i also see why your man doesn't agree with your ideas on your body..you look fabolous! you're probably right about depression making you see things in another light. it does cause or worsen low self esteem.
i stopped watching television a long time ago to avoid brainwashing. i don't read magazines for girls either. and i'm SO much better for it! media can be poisonous. after a while of staying away from media you'll start seeing things clearer though.
it's not like all men want girls to be stick figures either, some men want them skinny, some want them xl. just the way not all men want girls with large breasts. i think it's mostly young boys who are insecure about themselves who pretend to like what they see in television as they're so afraid of being made fun of if they like the "wrong thing". luckily people grow out of that.