Monday, August 25, 2008

An Excerpt of sorts

As I've been inspired by the Journal of Beth Hommel I figured I'd post sort of an excerpt from my life story. I haven't written much of that lately, just because I've either been busy, tired, or aren't quite sure where to go with it. It'll come to me, I"m sure, but in the meantime, I'll tell you this story.

Beth writes about crying in the street in the entry I've linked, and I've done my fair share of crying publicly. Let me see, I think the first time I really cried out in public was probably while I was dating BF1, so I think I would have been 14 or so. Either way, I was pretty young, and it was still pretty early in our 'relationship'.

Anyhow, BF1 and I had been arguing something fierce for a while, and we were currently working as crew on a local theatre production. He was back stage, and I was out in the front of house with a friend of his... we'll call him... R.

Anyhow, R knew that BF1 and I weren't very happy with one another, and they were friends, not so much me, so I never really thought much of him. Well, that's not true, I thought he was cute, funny, and well... fraking hot. Well... BF1 and I fought, and I ended up leaving after all of the clean up was done... In tears.

Now, there was BF1, who knew I was in a state, and there was R who wasn't in the room when I left crying. R asked BF1 where I was, and when he found out I left.. he ran out after me. That's right... R left, not the BF. R came up behind me, tapped my shoulder, and asked if I was OK. I shook my head, and he wrapped his arms around me.

Good lord, it's amusing to think just what went through my head at that moment. I mean... here was a boy that I honestly barely knew showing me this INTENSE act of kindness that I'd never experienced before in my sad life.

It's no wonder I fell in love with him in that instant.

Well.. that's the first time I cried and was comforted publicly. The next time was a little more scary. You'll eventually hear about how bad things were between my stepfather and I, but on this instance in particular, things were awful. I don't even remember what sparked it, but I do know that it was a morning before school and my friends were just pulling into the driveway as I grabbed my bag, shoes and leaped out the door and off the front steps sobbing uncontrollably.

I tell you, I was running for my life.

My friends calmed me down, and took me out for breakfast, and one fella even told me that he kind of liked the way my black eyeliner/eye shadow was all smeared and smudged. He said it was reminiscent of Courtney Love...

The final time I cried out of doors was when I became part of the side show we call the grape and wine festival.

Every year, we have this festival here, and I'm sure you could imagine that any festival that celebrates alcohol, well, it brings out the crazies.

Anyhow... this one night was pretty crazy. I'll end up telling you about the insanity known as 'the apartment days' and this night was no different. I was with BF2, who wanted to go to his brother's party, and I agreed, but told him I wanted to head over to my friend's place because well, they were my friends, and I just wanted to. He was not the kind to compromise. Things had to be his way, or no way, so we argued. I ended up leaving his brother's place (after his sister in law warned me about being around him when he was drunk, because he's an angry drunk) and going to my party.

Well, he followed me after a while, and generally made things uncomfortable. I was half in the bag, and angry by now, so I told the hosts that I needed to cool off for a bit, so I took off out of the apartment.

Without my shoes. By the time I got outside of the place, I knew I didn't have them, but after my stunning exit, I couldn't go back. So instead, I walked up the street and sat on the stairs of a mortuary.

About 15 minutes passed, and I saw him run by, heading in the direction of my house, and for some reason that set my drunken angsty self off. I started to bawl.

Then these two girls come walking up, and they just sit down and start talking to me about random shit. It was great, and I ended up feeling better than ever. About 30 minutes of that, they walked me back to 'the apartment' and all was good.

I never talked to them again, but I never forgot their random kindness.

So yea... have you ever cried in public? What kinds of random acts of kindness have you bestowed, or have had bestowed upon you?

1 comment:

Elise said...

I've cried in public many times. When I get drunk or high, my emotions go all haywire and sometimes I'll just burst out crying for no reason. Then of course, there are the public breakups and fights/problems with ex's that have made me cry. My brother used to be cruel to me when I was a kid and made me cry a lot. So yeah, I've cried quite a bit in my lifetime. My friends and now my husband have always given me a shoulder to cry on and I'm always thankful for that. ^^