Friday, August 15, 2008

the early years, part 5

first thing first... look to the right of the screen... see my twitter feed? yea, colour me giddiliscious!

Anyhow... back to my life.

So, by now, the uncle (herein called Slimo) has been outed as a child molester, and we move from the house of horrors. There's a problem with this though. While Slimo doesn't move with us, he's still not out of our lives. He still spends nights with my mom, and he is still there in the afternoons after school, and in the summer on on the weekends.

He's actually around for a year or two after the incident. He never touched me again, and my stellar memory has no noticeable holes from that period, but I became very warped and jaded. Note this, I was 7 by this point. No wonder I've got more issues than Time Magazine...

Anyhow... he's still around, and I just think it's okay because he's not touching me anymore. Well, sort of at least. See, I never talked to anyone about how what he did to me made me feel. I never talked to anyone about how seeing him so frequently messed me up. I never told my mom how betrayed I felt at the fact that she'd still screw the man that diddled her kid.

I couldn't even imagine that. I'm of the mind that if anyone touched my child, I'd fucking kill them. They would die. No one hurts my son. NO ONE.

That being said... I felt hurt, and angry, and alone in the world (again, another theme that comes up in my life). I didn't feel like I could turn to my mom, and well, turning to B2 was a one off. I never really felt like they were there for me. And honestly, when you're kids, what older sibling is, unless it seems serious.

Anyhow... my family has never been big on the touchy feely, the expressing feelings, the hugging... we were always pretty distant.

And again... Anyhow... By this point, I"m heading into Grade 2, and this will be school number 4 for me. Needless to say I'm not the best at making friends. Still aren't really.

I'm really not sure where I was going with this post, so I'm going to hush up a bit... and maybe dig out some other pictures of me from this time... I like the added colour.


Elise said...

That is kind of fucked up that your mom still stuck with him after what he did to you... That picture of you is so cute, though!

Lora said...

i read your story and then i look at that picture of you...and i keep looking at it and i'm so sad that you had to hide all of that behind that sweet smile of yours. thanks for sharing. you're such a strong woman...and you were then too, even as a child.