Friday, March 28, 2008

depression and PMS

sometimes I hate this place.
sometimes i hate who I've become.
sometimes I hate what I am.
sometimes all i have is hate.

sometimes, I'm really just emo.

I begin to think that I have serious issues as far as PMS go. I've heard of women getting bitchy when their period's on the way, but I get seriously Ragey. I can pretty well pin point it every single month. NOw this month, I really only had two days where I was super pissed, and last month, I was in the hospital with the littleman... but I think it was a month before that I snapped out before that.

This month, I'm on the edge again. I'm not sure how I'm keeping it together. Well, I do know how I"m keeping it together. I can't bear the idea of hurting my little boy so deeply. He says I"m the best mommy in the world, I know I'm not, but to him i am, and that's enough to fight the good fight.

I've been punching walls. I've been keeping myself away from knives, because I know that I tend to cut at times like this.

I just wish there was something that could be done. something to keep me stable all the time. I mean, I'm unbalanced, but I do a good job keeping myself in check, but when my hormones rage, so do I, and I just don't know what to do.

I'm babbling, so I"m going to chill for now.

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