Sunday, December 9, 2007

sigh

I'm kind of beating myself up.
Not really a lot, and not because of anything really bad, but I am beating myself up.
I miss the girl who used to be my best friend. She's not, and I honestly doubt that she ever was really my best friend at all, but I miss her all the same.
this isn't the first time this has happened, and I'm hoping it's the last, because the dull ache is a little much to take. I know that I'll be able to get over it, and stop missing her eventually, it's just so god damned hard.
I loved her, ya know? I still do. I always thought of her like a sister. I didn't say things or do things just because I thought that's what she wanted to hear. I told her how it was. I thought she did the same for me.
I don't know. she was the kind of person who'd never call, never email, never comment or basically initiate any contact with me, unless she wanted something. If I didn't contact her, we'd just fall out of touch, much like we have now. I haven't spoken more than 4 words to her in almost 9 months.
it's funny, one of the last conversations we had, she was claiming that she was closer to me than anyone else, and that she missed me a lot when I wasn't around she felt like a part of her was missing. Then, she didn't call.
hell, she didn't even give me her phone number so I could call. it was almost like she was encouraging the break.
I don't know. I miss her all the same, even though I don't think i'll ever see or talk to her again. It's hard to let go of family.

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