Friday, November 23, 2007

on life

What do I want to do with my life?

I've asked myself this a lot since I got fired last September. I'm no closer to an answer now than I was then. Actually, I'm a little further away.

I said before that I used to be a strong and confident woman, and that these days, I'm not. I'm scared, directionless and confused. I've questioned everything about myself ever since getting fired. so much of my identity was wrapped up in my job. My personality, my drive, my style, my direction, everything. Without the job, I'm just, well, lost. And the fact that I can't seem to find anything is really disheartening.

There are days that I can't bring myself to shower and dress. I just sit aroudn the house and cry. And it's just a flipping JOB.

I don't know.

Lately, I've started writing again. I'm not sure how that'll turn out, but we'll see I guess.

I'm trying to be positive. It's hard though. I've lost so much.

I lost my husband, I lost my best friend, I lost my job, and I lost my identity all in the span of about 6 months. I guess Karma really did have it in for me, and I deserved much of this. I'm just trying to be strong.

Though I must confess. this is the blog that I will post my more negative thoughts in because I haven't told anyone about it. So, I'll allow myself to break down here, if no where else. I'll try to keep it down though.

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