Sunday, November 25, 2007

is this love?

I ask myself this question quite frequently.

Is this Love?

I can't say I know. I wish I could say I knew, I wish I had answers to go with the many questions that run through my mind. I just don't. I'm as lost and confused as the rest of us in this world.

In my depressed and disenchanted state, I've done a lot of examining of my relationship. I love my husband very much, but I've not been honest with him, or true to him. My heart hasn't been his in a long long time. To my own credit, his heart hasn't been mine.

He tells me it is now, and thinks that's enough to ease the hurt of all these years. It just doesn't' cut it. and I just can't believe him. I don't know if I ever will.

I honestly don't' see a future here. It's mainly because I'm just not so sure I can open myself back up to him.

Then I ask myself, did I truly close myself off to him? I don't' really know the answer to that either. I mean, I've strayed elsewhere, and yet I always came back to him. I always craved him. Even when I was certain I had found what I needed, I still ended up in his arms, in his bed.

Is this love?

if anyone could answer that question for me, it'd be appreciated.

unless that happens, I'm still trying to figure out the best way to cut my losses, and come out on top, not just for me but for our son.

1 comment:

fotoface said...