In which Tryph thought she was over this...

Because kittens are good.  

I didn't have a chance to get excited.
I didn't have a chance to get anxious.
I didn't have a chance to think it was possible.

I found out the impossible was possible when I found out that it was irrelevant.

That was a year ago.
A year ago my body revolted against me.
A year ago my body stole from me.
A year ago my body hurt me in ways I couldn't imagine.

How can you lose something you didn't know you had?

Honestly, I thought I was over this.
Clearly I'm not.
I'm okay with that.

In which Tryph is a Warrior... sort of

So I have this thing where I'm always fighting for one thing or another.

More often than not, I'm fighting for people who aren't me.  I'm fighting for friends and family. Fighting their own perceptions, fighting against the other people in their lives...

I'm the girl who will say "shut up, you're gorgeous" when a friend makes a degrading comment about themselves.
I'm the girl who will send random messages to people telling them why I think they're brilliant, special and important.
I'm the girl who says "replace *insert negative word here* with *replace positive synonym here*, and that's more accurate"

I'm the girl who seems to make it her quest to make everyone feel better about themselves.
Everyone that is, but me.

It almost seems like I'm content to hate on myself, when really I'm not.

I just find it... amusing isn't the right word, but you'll get my point... I find it amusing that I'll fight for everyone and everything.

Just not me.

In which Tryph doesn't always view the word "fat" as derogatory

When the word fat is used as an Adjective and in reference to a person or animal, it states that "fat" means to have a large amount of excess flesh.

Now I've gone on a little further to say that it's a large amount of excess flesh distributed across the body.  Because, the argument was made that because breasts are fat, large breasts would be excess fat, and therefore having large breasts would make a person fat.

Now I could get into techno babble about body fat percentages and where I should be compared to where I am, but I'll lay it out as easily as possible.

There are parts of my body that jiggle like jelly.  There are parts of my body where fat/skin sag.  There are multiple parts of my body (upper arms, stomach/back, thighs, butt) that have excess fatty flesh.

By a purely technical standpoint, I am fat.

And I'm okay with using that word to describe my state.  I am what I am.  I've got excess fat on my body.  These are reserves that my body isn't using and doesn't need.  When I lose them, my body will not cease to function properly because they're unnecessary.

I don't feel like saying that I'm fat degrades my looks.  I'm as pretty as I'll ever be.  And I'm the same person I'll be.  But I'm fat.

I have this friend who keeps arguing this point with me.  He keeps coming back to a couple of points that just don't make sense.

Point one... "to me, you're perfect" or "but you look great" 
Ok, so I know I have self esteem issues, and I don't think I'm pretty or perfect all the time.  But honestly, when I say "I'm fat, and need to lose the weight", I'm not saying that I'm ugly.  I'm simply stating that I would like to use up the excess fat and make it go away.  My self esteem issues have been around ever since I was a thin kid, so losing the weight won't change a damned thing but make me healthier

Point two... "having fat doesn't make you fat"
Well no, everyone has fat.  And in fact the human body requires fat to survive.  But as long as I have an excess of the stuff, I'm going to be fat.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm morbidly obese here.  I'm not even saying I'm obese.  I'm simply saying that I am fat.

Point three.... "I've seen fat girls, you're not one of them"
...
Really?  You REALLY want to go there?

Just because I'm not AS big as someone else, doesn't mean I'm not fat.  Just like when I lose the weight.  Just because I'm not as thin as someone else, won't impact my body.  Everyone has different bodies, different types, and shapes.  It's what makes us wonderful.  But my body is my own, and it's got excess fat on it.

Point four....  "it's your imperfections that make you beautiful"
I'm sorry, is this actually a point here?  Because I DON'T RECALL SAYING I WASN'T BEAUTIFUL (in this conversation).
Also fat doesn't make ANYONE beautiful.  Who they are, what they're like and all the wonderful things that make them THEM make them beautiful.

So ugh, I'm fat.  It simply is what it is, and I'm not going to apologize for it. I am, however, going to keep working at losing the fat.  Because I want to.

In which Tryph thinks about parenting

A friend of mine on facebook asked "what kind of parent did/do you want to be?"

Honestly, I've questioned whether or not I even should be a parent a lot this last week or so, and whether or not I made the right choice.

You see, for me, getting pregnant when I did was a huge cross roads.  I was still living at home and saving money to go to school, and I didn't want kids.  I was with a guy who I knew wasn't right for me and that we'd never last, and it was just the wrong time for everything.

So when I got pregnant, I wrestled with a few things.  The first, did I even tell the father?  He was even less mature than I was, and far less prepared for real life than me.  Not to mention the fact that deep in my heart of hearts, I knew I didn't want to be with him for the rest of my life.  (we had a lot of issues even up to that point, but I was young and dumb).

The second, did I even want to keep it?  My mother had a friend who was desperate for a baby, and I was honestly very very close to talking to her and seeing if we could arrange for her to adopt it.  In my mind, the baby was still very much an "it" in my mind.  and I HATED kids. Don't get me wrong, I've always been good with them, but I hated kids, still do to be honest...

Anyhow, when I came to grips, and realized that I couldn't give up the life I was growing inside me, I decided I had to figure out what kind of parent I'd be.

I'm still working that one out.

The basis of my parenting style is simple.  Imagine everything I wish my mother had given me, and do that.  It really boils down to five things though.

Always be fair

Be fair in explaining things.  Don't expect more from him than I can give myself.  Always listen to his side of things.  Never judge.  Never give an answer like "because I said so".  Always let him know what he's done well, or what needs to improve.  

Be firm

You need to stand your ground.  In the end, my word is law and I will enforce it to the fullest extent that I can.  I may not have a lot of "rules" I have very high expectations of my son, and I make sure that he knows what they are.  And you need to follow through.  If you set a boundary, and a consequence for breaking the boundary, you need to follow up with what you said you'd do, or the child will run over top of you.

Have fun

I can't stress this enough.  Being a parent should be fun sometimes.  It's not always fun and games, but it's also not always rules and being strict.  Fun allows you to connect with your child on their level, and they on yours.  It's more than just a reward, it's a necessary part of growing up and growing together.  When you have fun with your child, they have less to rebel against, don't they?

Consistency is key

Everyone involved in raising the child need to be on the same page.  Whether it's mother/father or grandparents, or the aunt who takes them for ice cream.  Everyone has to be on the same page regarding the rules and expectations.  This isn't to say that grandma can't spoil them rotten, but it does mean that grandma needs to understand that rules aren't made to be broken, if that makes sense.  It also means that you can't change your rules when they're inconvenient.  The rules are the same whether you're in the grocery store, a restaurant or at home.  You can't just capitulate because you find it embarrassing

 for your child to cause a scene.  When my boychild was little, he threw a fit in the store a couple of times.  Maybe twice.  He was always warned that he could settle down and stay inside, or he could come back to the car with me.  Never did we make it further than the parking lot before he'd calm down and act reasonably.  Though, those two times I did throw him over my shoulder and carry him outside.

Flexibility

Always be ready to throw things out and start over.  Every child is different.  Every parent is different.  Every situation is different.  And sometimes, you need to rewrite your rule book on the fly.  This is something that 12 years after I found out I was pregnant, I'm still learning.  

There are times I'm still not sure I made the right choices about becoming a parent, or who I'm partnered up with on this quest.  All I know is that I made them, I'm here, and meeting my son was the best thing that ever happened to me.  

Even if he is acting like a delinquent lately. 

I guess that's the last rule.  Never be afraid to not know what to do, and ask for help.  

In which Tryph's gears are ground

You know what really grinds my gears?

How bloody sensitive people are to EVERYTHING.  Honestly, I feel like people enjoy reading into things,

and finding the negative aspects.  I don't really understand why.  It doesn't make them happier.  It doesn't change anything, and it makes no bloody difference.

Recently Dove came up with this really great ad about self image, and how we are our own harshest critics.  In the ad, women described themselves to a forensic artist, and a stranger also described the same women.  Several women participated, and the images created were night and day.  It's a really cool ad I think, and it shows you how we see things in ourselves as negatives when we look in the mirror, but we're all really beautiful.

So, I honestly think it's a really great ad. I feel it accomplishes what it set out to.  To show women that we need to stop being so negative about our images.

Then I read this blog post about it that made me roll my eyes a little.  Without making you go read it if you haven't, it starts to break down and analyse the fact that the women involved are all under 40.  That there are more white women than black or Asian.  That the woman who does most of the speaking is a youngish slender blond woman.  And how the ad continues to propagate the idea that REAL BEAUTY is only found in women under 40 who are slender and blonde.

Ugh.

I think you're missing the point... but here's the thing.  It'd be anti white propoganda if the black woman did more talking.  It'd be somehow related to China wanting to take over the world, or somehow supporting North Korea if the Asian woman spoke more.  OBVIOUISLY there is SOME KIND of agenda.

Maybe the agenda is that even slender blonde women under 40 think they're just as ugly as you do.  Did you ever think of that?  But NO, everything is some kind of slight against you, or someone else isn't it?

Ugh.  GET OVER IT.

It's easy to find negative inferences and connotations in everything we look at, but you have to start asking yourself... does it make you any happier to tear things down?  Cos if it isn't, why do it?

Try just living life, instead of criticizing everything for once.  I assure you, when you let go of the hate that's poisoning your heart, you'll feel a lot better.